


Summat Pretty

by trynabcalm



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, I Tried, M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trynabcalm/pseuds/trynabcalm
Summary: Pre-Breakup Beatles. John’s thoughts about Paul





	Summat Pretty

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this about my best friend who I had a major crush on but she left school yada yada yada. I’ve sorta moved on (not really but whatever). Changed it a bit for McLennon

 

Walking in to the studio early just to spend some time alone with you. You’re always there. It the only time we’re without the interruption of other conversations or the prying eyes of the rest of the team. Just you and me.

 

I see you

 

You don’t need a gun to blow my mind 

 

I want to talk about you and me. But we don’t talk about you and me, do we? We talk about work and who’s on the charts and what article said what but we don’t talk about us. 

We talk about anyone but us. We’re avoiding it. We, me and you. And soon, time withers and the room is filled with another person. 

 

They receive the same treatment I did. Hugs and hellos. Why wasn’t I special. Why put me and the him on the same level. I’m not jealous. 

Then we talk about something else. And you’re laughing at his jokes. And asking about his stories and smiling your shining smile at him. I miss you already. 

 

And then he comes. Then he comes. And then she and him and her and he and them and the whole lot and soon I’m not next to you. We’re whisked away to what feels like the opposite end of the world, the opposite ends of the of the room. I’m not jealous 

 

And after forever and a half they’re all leaving. I stayed. I’ve always been the one who stayed. I play you a tune but you are oblivious to the fact that it’s about you, for you. And soon, there’s a dreary silence that’s practically begging me to fall onto my knees and scream. 

_ WHAT HAPPENED TO US _

but I don’t 

_ WHERE DID WE GO _

But I can’t 

_ I MISS YOU.  _

but I won’t 

 

I want you to say that nothing has happened that we can’t fix. 

I want you to say that you’re here and I’m here and we’re together

I want you to say that you’ve never left me

 

But you won’t, and can’t and don’t because I never asked the questions. I’m waiting for an answer that hasn’t been formed. I’m waiting for the wave to come as I stand by the brink of the desert. I’m waiting for the next scene to happen as I stare into the empty microwave. My heart is still in Paris but we’re here, not in the city of love. 

 

I want you more than I want my next breath. And then it’s time for me to go so I’m forced to exchange you for an inhale of air. But this is my last chance and I surge forward, my legs letting my heart take the wheel. My hand is on your face and the other on your waist and I’m pulling you close and you look up at me with your big glittering eyes and you give me the faintest smile that I feel rather than see and that’s when I know I’m allowed to go forth and you run your fingers through the hair that I’ve been pulling at for nights on end and I move my lips close to yours and _and_ _and_ _and **and**_

 

I wake up from my dream. 

 

You’re looking at me funny and I twist my lips to hide it all. My hand is waving goodbye and I’m gone. And you’re gone. And we’re gone. And everything we’ve built from day one is gone. 

 

I’m not jealous of the cup that meets your lips. I’m not jealous of the blanket that keeps you safe and warm. I’m not jealous of the rain that washes over your body. I’m not jealous because I knew from the start that it would never be me. 

 

How could it ever be me?

Why couldn’t it ever be me?

 

I couldn’t tell you how I feel. I couldn’t show you that ugly, hideous dangerous side of me. You’d run if you knew. If you saw. I can’t let you hear my words or read my thoughts. No. No, I have to show you summat pretty. And I’m lying to you. And it hurts because all I want to do is open up and expose myself and have you love me no matter what. 

 

Love. 

 

I’m not jealous. 

 

Now I'm back but you've gone. I'm longing for the you that's long gone.I'm not in love with you,I'm in love with the idea of you. Sweet and kind and beautiful. Soft touches and cheeky winks. It could be you or it could be her.  It’s not her 

 

I've never seen your face in my dreams. I thought it was you. 

It could be you

But I know it won't be you

Coz you're you and I'm me. 

 

Don't be jealous though I know you won't, aren't. 


End file.
